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How do we learn to like ourselves better? How do we minimize criticisms of ourselves? How do we learn to love ourselves? How do we integrate all that we are, and feel whole, even in our imperfections?
There are many tools, techniques and coping skills to move in that direction. In fact, I am going to describe techniques and things you can practice in my monthly blogs in 2025, to help you move toward wholeness and loving yourself. You will want to read my blog every month and practice the techniques and processes. This month though, let me try to explain something to you.
When we understand that our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all connected, that they affect one another, we understand more fully that we are the one that has the most power to change our own mood and experience for the better or for the worst. In essence, when we learn to notice and begin to intentionally be in charge of our thoughts and behaviors/words, we can start to feel better and better, more and more often. When we begin to practice this consistently, we begin to feel more whole, more integrated, more confident.
This month, let me introduce one thing you will want to consider NOT doing, in order to take control and responsibility for our own feelings. That thing is to catch yourself blaming the world around you for your "bad mood" or "bad day". Barring real danger or harmful event (like you are held at gun point), on any given day, on average we complain 30 times a day. By complaining, we are blaming others and things around us for our miserable day or mood. In reality, it is what we think and do about what happens around us that is really what affects our mood.
What I want to challenge you to do this month is to go on a "complaining diet". The goal is to complain less, for sure, but the goal is predominantly to get you to become more and more practiced at noticing your thoughts. Noticing your thoughts helps you slow them. Noticing thoughts helps you decide if you want to think and say that thought, if you want to reframe it, or if you want to just let the thought drift away with as little attention as possible.
This diet is 7 days long. Notice your thoughts more often, and when you notice you are complaining about the clouds in the sky or the heavy traffic or whatever, notice and say, "Ah, I'm doing that thing again - complaining". Laugh at yourself. It is crazy how we let the momentum of something we are used to doing, take ahold of us. Then start your 7 days over, giving yourself grace that you had to start over. Everyone does. Do this all day everyday, when you remember, until you have 7 days of no complaining and no blaming.
Tell us all below what you noticed or realized by doing this. If you don't want to write it here, write it in a journal at home, but notice what you learn about yourself. I dare you to take the challenge.