2024 Advice Series - March: "There's a First Time for Everything"

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Background

The man in this picture is my youngest son, Colton Marschik. Although he is grown, out on his own, and making his own way in the world, this thought, "There's a first time for everything", comes to me often. It is something Colton used to say with some regularity growing up. I'm not certain how it started, or what gave him that perspective on things. However, it has stuck with me, because it is often just the thought that is needed to move me through discomfort.

Let me give you an example. We moved several times during Colton's formative years. I would often process the move with him related to scheduling, the amount of stuff that needed to be moved, and etc. It seems like anytime I would reference something that was new to me, or some idea seemed plausible, but I new nothing about it, Colton would say, "Well, there's a first time for everything!"

What that did for me when confronted with a dilemma or an option that was unfamiliar to me, was allow the idea that something unknown or new to me could very well be the best option, or at least, be worth a try. When I think about this today, I know it has become part of my vocabulary and self talk in my head when processing almost every decision I make. And, importantly, I now put emphasis on different parts of the statement - "There IS a first time for everything" reminds me that new things can be faced, and "There's a first time for EVERYTHING" reminds me that every single thing can be done in a new way if we open up to that idea. I believe it has single-handedly made me a more open and willing participant in life.

Advice

Being an open and willing participant in life brings us closer to being a healthy person, a functioning adult, and a mindful person in relationships, just to name a few things. It is often the unstated goal in therapy and therapeutic processes - to be an open and willing and engaged person or member of a workplace, family, or relationship. When we find something so useful that keeps us headed in the direction in which we seek to go, we keep that tool.

I don't know if you will hang on to this phrase, but I hope you find that word, comment, sentence or activity that moves you so deeply that you live life more fully, openly and with the conviction to explore the new. You'll feel better for it.

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Please contact me at theresamarschik@thecenterofloveandacceptance.org with questions or if you would like to start therapy.